Chris Coleman

If you havin' workout problems, I feel bad for you son.
I got 99 problems, but a gym membership ain't one.

Finally! Bell Sympatico has decided to turn our internet on! But it kind of sucks still because for some reason, i can't log into msn (i'm using windows messenger now) and i can't log into hotmail (not that i use hotmail).

It was even worse yesterday because i couldn't check my yahoo email! But we switched the router and yahoo is ok now.

So on to Chris Coleman!

The first Saturday that i was in Kitchener, Allison was helping out at this Hardy Hearts charity event (for heart disease) which also included a silent auction so i decided to go check it out with my roomates. One of my big worries about coming to Kitchener/Waterloo was where i would work out.

and then.... BEHOLD: WORD OF GOD SPEAK! one of the items up for bidding was a....

6 month Goodlife membership! ($300 value!!)

there were two bids so far: some guy bid $2.50 and a guy named Chris Coleman bid $35! Allison told me that Chris Coleman was the son of one of the guys on the Hardy Hearts Executive Board. After being egged on by Eugene and one of my other roomates, Ewen, i placed a bid for $40 and then hid myself behind a pole to find out what Chris Coleman looked like. Eventually, this big white guy wearing a bubble vest and a cap with sunglasses planted on them came over to the bidding table and bid $45.

It was time to get to work.

i watched him from afar as he checked up on the other items he was bidding on. i tried to send Eugene, Allison and Ewen to distract him so that he couldn't keep bidding but Eugene and Ewen were too scared and Allison refused because she knew him and didn't want it to be unfair.

Eventually i grew impatient that the auction wasn't ending soon enough and in my naivity, i bid $50. Unfortunately that just made things worse as he discovered that it was i who kept bidding over him. He stood beside me and started smiling.

"NOOO! don't do it Chris Coleman!"

He bent over the bench and bid $55.
i didn't know if i wanted to keep bidding at that point cause it was just going to keep driving up the price. i told him that he already looked like he had a gym membership and that he should go check out his other items. But alas, my pleas fell on deaf ears and he just kept smiling and chuckling. When he realized that i was serious about the item, you won't believe what he did.

HE BID $80, OUTBIDDING HIS OWN BID!

What the heck?! Who does that? i stood beside him and groaned in agony and "awwwing!" like there was no tomorrow while Ewen and Eugene just kept laughing at the developments.

An announcement then came on letting the bidders know that there was 1 minute left.
With less than a minute remaining, i picked up the pen and looked into Chris Coleman's eyes. He picked up his pen and looked at me and then his gaze fell to the bidding sheet.

"Go ahead.",
Chris Coleman challenged.

I then did what any decent man would do in that circumstance;

I sniped the membership a la ebay

with about 30 seconds remaining, i placed the nib of my pen on the sheet and wrote my name as slowly as possible. i then looked at the bid column and looked at Chris Coleman. i wrote an 8 as slowly as possible and then kept my pen at a standstill and looked up at my adversary. I held the pen there until an announcer declared,

"PENS DOWN!!"

I quickly finished my bid at $85, smoting the larger Chris Coleman. He threw his pen down on the bench and turned his head in disbelief at what had just happened.

10 minutes later

Chris Coleman won a large, alloy, golf driver among other items.

Realizing that Chris Coleman won a large, alloy, golf driver, I redeemed my goodlife membership and got the heck out of there.

Brian, one.
Chris Coleman, zero.